I have always had an interest in the human experience. It’s what led me to becoming a therapist but honestly, it’s always been a part of me, part of what makes me tick. This is no different when it comes to my own life and sometimes, perhaps to an ineffective degree, I strive to understand the purpose and meaning of the things we experience.

I have often felt this way when looking back on stages of transition. One thing I have come to appreciate over time is how we change and grow through these experiences. It’s often hard to know for certain how you will feel at any given point in life because the fact is that we change, and so do our priorities.

All of that lead-up is, essentially, to say that I am moving into yet another stage of transition in my life, as I approach the age of wanting to have children and become a mom. What has changed for me during this time are my thoughts about what kind of parent I want to be. Mostly, I think about what morals, values, and overall life lessons I want to instill in my child. These tend to be the things I didn’t always have myself until after I experienced a struggle.

I imagine many new parents, and even seasoned ones feel this way. What rings true for so many parents is the desire to protect our children from a variety of things. This includes things we’ve struggled with ourselves, because we don’t want to see that struggle repeated by them. Underneath, the desire is pretty much the same: I don’t want my child to experience pain and I want to protect them from that.

Naturally, because of my own experiences with being overweight and aesthetically different than my peers growing up, I want for my child to avoid this experience at all costs. I think a lot of people who have struggled with their bodies go through this. That desire is real, it makes sense in many ways, and it’s one to be proud of.

What has changed for me over the last few years, though, is how I feel I can accomplish this as a mother. When I look back, I can see how constant talk about dieting and avoiding getting fat played a role in my struggles with body image. It very quickly became all I thought about and focused on, which after many years of living that way, became frustrating and emotionally painful. My whole identity and sense of worth became wrapped up in how thin or fat I was. It felt like a never-ending cycle.

One day, I just decided I had enough. I walked away from the scales, diets, and calorie counting. It certainly wasn’t that simple, because we are constantly surrounded by a beauty-centric and diet culture which encourages us to look a certain way. It took time, but the things that I learned from the Health at Every Size Movement and other movements have helped me to see things differently.

We all want to be healthy and happy, and so it makes sense that we would want the same for our kids. This is an important goal, and I believe that we can support this without talking with our kids about their bodies in a negative, fearful way or promoting dieting and/or exercise simply for the purpose of being a certain weight. These things can lead to negative body image and an unhealthy relationship to food, because the focus becomes all about appearance, rather than living a healthy lifestyle because it feels good and can increase our happiness.

Diversity should be celebrated, especially because we can never all be the same, and this includes our bodies. So let’s start focusing more on how to encourage joyful movement and exploration of a variety of foods and eating habits, rather than a body type. It might just be the way for the next generation to live life more intuitively and practice self-care instead of self-punishment.

What lessons have you learned from your struggles?
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In Our Own Skin