Body Kindness: Starting the Conversation
/Body image affects most people in some way at some point in their lives. Like many other emotional difficulties, the extent and prevalence of this struggle varies and lives on a spectrum from mild to severe. As a therapist, there are a few things that I have seen in my experience:
The degree to which someone struggles with body image depends on the number of risk factors in their life. The more risk factors someone has, the more likely they are to have significant difficulties. These can include exposure to excessive negative talk about food and body; being genetically larger, resulting in bullying or discrimination based on weight, and; lack of education and understanding about individualized health, among many other things.
You or I can’t change someone’s mind. In order for permanent change, the person has to be motivated to do so AND believe that the change will be beneficial.
Forceful education (“scared straight tactics”) typically does not work. In fact, it tends to make people that much more resistant to change and/or seeking out help.
With these insights in mind, I’ve had a few questions that I’ve been asking myself:
How can I provide information and support to people if and when they want it?
How can I make that information accessible and useful for people on every aspect of this spectrum?
And most importantly,
How will I know when a person is ready to hear this information?
Of course, these may be rhetorical questions, as I already know some of the basic answers. But, the overall idea is that despite the varying levels of difficulty, body image is a real struggle for many people. That said, I think we need to start making it a part of our regular conversation.
Recently, someone came into my office who made these questions somewhat less rhetorical. This person sought me out for help with body image issues— more specifically, in this case, issues that had led to a severe eating disorder. It was clear that this person had been fighting this battle for a long time. This person is someone who was both insightful about the reality of the current situation, yet also a prisoner to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that come with this illness.
I. Was. SCARED. I was scared of what this person’s future would look like, scared that I was unable to provide assistance, and scared of what would happen when I would have to turn this person away. It was a painful experience, that left me with a difficult choice to make.
What is the purpose of me sharing this with you? Well, it’s to start a dialogue about the role that body image, weight, food, and exercise plays in our lives and in society (which has the power to shape our lives). It’s also an opportunity to acknowledge that we all have the right to decide for ourselves what we need or don’t need at any given time.
Not everyone will see things the same, and we will not always agree, but to force our beliefs or opinions on someone creates more resistance, not less. We cannot hope for someone to ask for help if, when they do, they feel trapped. This individual is an example of what negative body image in its most severe manifestation can lead to. They are also an example of someone who is not yet ready or in a place to accept what I could offer— and that is OK.
Although it may be easy to think of eating disorders as a “rare" occurrence, it is not. According to The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders Inc., “30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder in the U.S.” The prevalence of negative body image among people of all identities in the U.S. is just as shocking.
How often do you say to yourself “My thighs are huge,” or “I would look so much better if I had a flatter stomach”? These statements may not seem like a big deal, but the things that negative body image steals from us on a daily basis is something we shouldn’t have to accept.
It begins with negative thoughts and self-doubt at an early age. We don’t know which one of those kids who judge their body or who wants to diet is going to develop an eating disorder that threatens their life. Don’t you think it’s time we all start to look for a way to live our lives, whatever that looks like, without negative thoughts about our bodies? Without shame or guilt about what we eat and judgment toward others for the same things?
I am more passionate now than ever about this issue. I want to help people realize that we are all different, bodies included. You don’t have to work to change that in order to be happy. You can have body kindness now and feel good in your own skin! Weight and appearance do not equal health!
Imagine what you would do differently. Imagine how you would spend that time. Just imagine… because imagining is the first step towards possibility.
What would you do differently to be kind, not negative towards your body?
Share your comments at the bottom of the page.
Whatismyhealth © 2018
You have to find your own reasons to overcome the negative way you see and feel about yourself.