As I venture through pregnancy for the first time, it’s no surprise that I have been very much aware of my own body image, as so many women are during this life milestone. I can only speak for myself but I also feel, with pretty good certainty, that I am not the only one who has been hearing about “the things pregnancy will do to your body” since well before I decided to get pregnant.

When I was in my late twenties, before I was married but close enough that the idea of children was in my peripheral thoughts, I remember not being sure if I wanted kids, in part because given where I was in my life I wasn’t quite ready to care for anyone other than myself, but also in large part because I had been hearing forever about how I’d get fatter, possibly even to a great extent, and how difficult it would be to lose that weight once baby was here. The message “your body will never be the same” echoed in my mind.

When I decided that having children was absolutely something I wanted in my life, I knew my fears about my body would either need to be ignored or be managed. I am not certain whether this was the primary reason I began fighting back against negative body image and beauty culture in my life, but it was certainly one of the reasons— even if I didn’t realize it at the time. As the idea of having children became more and more of a reality, the urge to show my future child a different way became a major goal for me, which I knew was going to start with me.

Here I am now, already (shockingly) 17 weeks into my first pregnancy and almost at the halfway mark, and I continue to reflect. What has shocked me most about this experience was that I was not thinking about my body, at least not in the way I have become so accustomed to thinking. I watch myself in the mirror everyday, trying to see if anything looks different, actually wishing for my stomach to look larger and my clothes to fit a little tighter.

It’s a new experience for me.

When I thought about writing regarding pregnancy and body image, my first thought was, I don’t actually know what to say because I feel the most comfortable and at peace, maybe more than I ever have with my body. Maybe it’s the fact that my body is growing because it is housing and supporting a human life. That it is fulfilling a purpose that in reality, is kind of a miracle when you think about it.

In the past I for sure would have told you, with certainty, that the thoughts I had about what would happen to my body when I had a child were going to be the reality. That's where the anxiety comes in, right? We live in the future, predicting what is going to happen and believing that it’s the only possible outcome. It usually is in relation to a fear or an insecurity, and for some it can lead to total avoidance.

What anxiety doesn’t tell us though, is that there are lots of other possible outcomes and sometimes the only way to see which one rules out is to take the risk. Most of the time, it’s not the outcome we were trying so hard to avoid. For me, deciding to have a baby regardless of what might happen to my body was a risk I took because I was luckily able to get to a place where I knew the end result would be much more life-fulfilling than what my body would look like.

I am glad I made that decision because so far, my fear has been proven wrong. That doesn’t mean things won’t change or that I won’t feel differently any number of times during this process, or even after. What it does mean is I have committed myself to experiencing this process with an open mind and taking it as it comes, with as little expectation as I can have.

I feel grateful that I am able to have this kind of experience, because what I know is EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IS DIFFERENT!! We all look different, we grow babies differently, and we definitely experience the process of pregnancy and childbirth differently. I realize I have been lucky so far, and I certainly hope to continue feeling good and appreciating this experience for what it is.

How does pregnancy/the anticipation of pregnancy make you feel about body image?
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In Our Own Skin