Introducing myself has always been a complicated experience for me, as I imagine it is for a lot of people. There is the person you see yourself as, and then there is how other people see you, and the process of figuring out which pieces of each seem accurate can often be difficult. I hope what I have managed to come up with below will not only be relatable but also a clear picture of why this topic is one that is close to my heart!

Body image. It’s defined as the subjective picture or mental image of one’s own body. Sounds simple right? But people who have struggled with this part of themselves know it is anything but simple.

I first became aware of my body and how it appeared to other people very early in life. Puberty started very early for me; I am 5’11’’ and probably have been since age 13! I pretty much sprouted in height fast and peaked before my peers even started to grow. With that said, it was not easy to blend in. I am also definitely an introvert by nature, and so this was a challenge for me to say the least.

I was given some hurtful nicknames; being “overweight” sort of came second, but not long after, which was likely a combo of genetics and food becoming a source of emotional comfort for me during that time. Don’t get me wrong— my family has a healthy appreciation for food, but there was definitely a part of me that coped with my emotions through eating.

My first diet came around age 13 or so when my mom insisted I should lose some weight. Since then, not a day has gone by that I don’t think about my body and how it appears to the outside world. The way of life that comes with watching your weight can be an exhausting and discouraging one, but boy did I try.

For a very long time, I thought that being thin was going to be the key to my happiness and satisfaction in life. Of course, it wasn’t. The ironic part is that I don’t remember anything significant from that time period, and I can definitely say it did not change how I felt about myself or the shame I felt when I inevitably gained weight back.

Throughout all of this, though, I always had a small but persistent voice telling me there had to be a better way. I remember saying to myself often, “I just want to be happy with myself for who I am.” I can’t say for sure what finally brought that voice to the forefront, or what gave me the strength to walk away from counting calories and glancing in the mirror. What I can say is that it has made all the difference in my life, and I never want to go back.

When I finally stopped counting every calorie and manipulating what, when and how much I was eating, it wasn’t long before things felt more manageable. The fear I had that I would “blow up” did not come to fruition. In fact, the feelings of losing control over my cravings, my appetite, and my body seemed to dissipate the longer I just let myself be.

Then, when I stumbled upon the amazing community of body positive activists and educators, I began to understand all the things that not only fuel diet culture but what keeps us from understanding the WHOLE truth about our bodies, food, and weight. It gave me a place where I finally felt like people understood and could show me something different. It was something more realistic for me and based on self-love.

As a therapist and social worker, I had been missing the thing that drives me from a personal, passionate place. My dream for “In Our Own Skin” came from this place, as did my desire to try and help other people struggling with body image in any way I can. What I hope to bring to this blog as a part of this amazing team of writers is not only my own experiences with body image, but the things I have learned along the way, and a need to share them with others. I hope to provide what will be a relatable, supportive and informative place to explore the freedom of body positivity.

I have always believed that life puts you exactly where you need to be; with my own journey through fighting and eventually beginning to appreciate my body, I’ve realized that this is where I need to be.