The "Silver Lining"

I’ve never been the biggest “taking pictures” person, at least not when it comes to taking pictures of myself and posting them to social media. I take pictures of things— events, scenic views, or landmarks— more than I take pictures of myself. If I do take a picture of myself, chances are it’ll go through various levels of self-scrutiny, personal deliberation, and near-deletion before I finally decide to post it to Instagram or Facebook.

A large part of this reason? I generally don’t like the way I look in pictures. When I see a picture of myself, more often than not, my first inclination is to pick it apart and find something critical. The narrative is always relatively similar:

My smile was weird.
My hair looks messy.
My posture is awkward.
But mostly, I look fat.

Needless to say, this makes the holidays a stressful time of year, and for a few reasons. Don’t get me wrong— generally, I do enjoy the holidays and the feelings of anticipation and excitement to see friends and family. With these reunions come many a photo opportunity, a chance to capture these moments so that we can one day look back on them and remember the good times.

Sure, these photo ops carry a mostly nice sentiment. Still, the holidays can also stir up feelings of insecurity when you’re surrounded by the temptation of rich, heavy food and delicious desserts— especially when you don’t like the way you look in pictures. Every holiday party is an excuse to eat something sugary, salty, and/or fattening, take more photos which provide another visual reminder of just how incredibly insecure I am about my body.

And yet, I still find it hard to resist trying the next cookie, to have “just one more scoop” of that savory side dish, or the urge to cook a gigantic feast fit for 20 for my family of 7. It’s ironic on some level, frustrating on another, and while I’ll still enjoy this holiday season as I have in most years past, each picture will serve as a reminder that I showed too little self-control, ate too much, and once again, gained a few extra pounds that are becoming harder and harder to lose.

The “silver lining” through all of this?
At least I’ll have something to work on for my New Year’s resolution.

What do you struggle with around the holiday season?
What holiday food is your guilty pleasure?
Share your comments at the bottom of the page.

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